Screwed Up

I don't want to be a screwed up. You never know what in store for you in the future. Nothing is for sure and we can never know what will happen. When I was at young age, I assume that life just flow smoothly, my family and siblings will live happily ever after and all will just go with flow.

However, as life goes on and I get older I learn that life is not like a box of candy. I was the youngest and the age difference with my siblings are at least 8 years. I feel like a loner when I was young since when I was schooling my siblings have already embark their career life. Most of them don't stay at hometown. They started their career life elsewhere. So I was alone with my parents and sometime feels like I was an only child. I was ecstatic when any of my sister's or brother's were back home occasionally because that will be the time when my pockets are full and I got new shoes or new dress etc. At that time, I feel like bad things won't happen to us.

The next phase was when all my siblings got married and started their own family. I knew that marriage and divorce exist but that won't happen to me or my siblings or my friends and so I thought.

The first close acquaintances divorce story I first heard happen to a colleague of my high school friend. She got married while in Uni and divorce not long after. That time I was so surprised and feel very2 sorry for her. And that was not the first. After that, a few of friends have the same fate and when it happen to my brother I soon realized it can happen to anybody at any moment. However, my brother now re-married and luckily the marriage before does not involve in any child since they don't have any. Now he is happy with two lovely children, a girl and a boy.

What encourage me to type in this post is actually yesterday I get to know another may be divorce story developing in my family. My other brother with 5 children is on the break of tragedy. They are not finalized yet but I feel sorry for his children.

With all this on-going in life. I pray that my marriage won't be a screwed up. I love my children and my husband. May that all good to come will always be there for me. Insya ALLAH.

My dancing clowns

A Breath Of Fresh Air

I received great news past 2 days ago. ALHAMDULILLAH. My grudge feeling is now gone. I am grateful that I have manage to stay positive and held my patience. At least now what I have been doing is worth it. The news come at the right time and the right moment. Now I can have a breath of fresh air and do my best for a better life for my family. Syukur.

Maybe it is time to .... ..

I have mix feeling lately about this. I start feeling disappointed and want to start new. I never felt like this before maybe because I feel that things start crumbling bit by bit. I hope that I will make the right choice and is given the opportunity for a brighter future. Tomorrow will be the first steps. I feel a bit confident and hope that I can do my best and GOD help me again. ALLAH has always been there. Give me strength and the guidance to do it right. INSYA ALLAH.

Stressing Out

I am stress coz shakeel does not want to drink his bottle milk anymore. He throw his tantrum when he sees the milk in the bottle.

I am stress last few days coz my hubby went to team building course for 3 days and 2 nights. ( I miss him like hell )

I am stress coz Shakeel has blister on his right foot and it is causing him a fever.

I am stress coz Shakeel is getting thinner since it is also a challenge to get him to eat.

Argghhh...

A Flight With A View

On 2oth march 2008, we went back to Kota Bharu first time boarding the FireFlyz Fokker 50. At first I was skeptical, since the aircraft is much smaller than the competition Boeing. To add my skepticism, it was a night plane and the Subang Airport was so gloomy and scary! Going to the toilet was like a Jangan Pandang Belakang scene. Hehe but nothing happen just the eerie thought. My heart was pounding with the gloominess.
But once we were on board and takeoff, my worry disappear and the experience is somehow not bad. The take off and landing is smooth and I don't feel the dizziness like the one i felt when taking off on the Boeing. Not Bad! It was at night so I can not see anything outside just the lights below as we were leaving Subang.
Our flight from Kota Bhare is better since it is at 8.00 am flight. This time I enjoy the view. The landing and take off is also a pleasant one. The stewardess also is way much friendlier. My conclusion, the Subang airport needs to be more active and cheery but that is only the minus. The rest a is 4 star for our FireFlyz experience.

A Series Of Lies...

1. Kenaikan harga minyak tidak akan menaikkan harga barang. (yeahh right...)

2. Penafian Pak Lah akan berkahwin lagi dalam masa terdekat.. ( really?)

3. Yuran Sekolah dimansuhkan. ( waa...so full of shit)

4. Satu hari seblm kabinet dibubarkan. "Esok kabinet tak bubar"

4. All that ekonomi meningkat, saham naik, matawang naik ..( Now what happen!)

5. Menteri yg kalah takkan dilantik. (But yg tak bertanding boleh jadik menteri..)

6. Demonstrasi aman malaysia disembur air asid, demonstrasi umno penang boleh plaks.

7. Pembangkang bercanggah MB Perak, hina institusi raja konon, kat terengganu apa citer????

Those are only some of the issues that makes me and rakyat sick with the government now. Yet, they are still in analysis mode on why they lost the 2/3 majority. Personally, they are in denial. Just open your eyes and listen!

8 March 2008

That is a historical date. A date where a giant almost falls and if the giant does not do something about it, he will continue falls. I was usually a neutral person a what political analysis says an 'atas pagar' voters. But i actually never vote yet even though i registered already since my name is still registered at my hometown.

I never thought the day where BA won almost 50% of election will actually come. I blame this entirely to the leadership of this country and his son-in-law. Since the leadership still remains as before I dont think BN can win back the swing voters until change leadership. BN ruling is actually prosperous but the corruption, cockiness and all scandal has make people have change of heart. Before the internet days, all the story can be covered but with the advance of technology people can not be fool anymore.

I hope all politician can take this as a lesson and remember that what ever wrong doing you do will not be hidden and protected always. Langit ada tinggi rendah!

A Series Of Unfortunate Event

Yesterday, I woke up feeling sore. Maybe because I didn't had enough sleep after 2 nights since my shakeel is having cough n fever. He's ok now but still has that stubborn cough at night.

My unfortunate event starts when i accidently left my carrying bag containing my purse, digital camera n my recepy notebook at the mamak restaurant we had breakfast. But fortunately, i notice it was missing quickly on the way to pasar borong. My hubby sped back to the restaurant. The restaurant seems to far to reach. But luckily the bag was still there n nothing was missing. Phewwhh...if not there goes a month grocery money!

Then at noon we were on the way to a friend's wedding reception at Shah Alam. This time i left the bag at home. So again, my hubby have to turn back since we kept our spending in one place, no bags no money. haha. Again, i have to bear with my hubby melodics nagging. la la la.

Evening, i am feeling so tired n sored since after reception we went a little grocery shopping at tesco shah alam. I was hoping that at least my hubby could take over on fulfilling shakeel needs a little while but we end up fighting. I know he's tired too, but sometimes i feel that since we have a maid he takes things for granted on taking care the children. Urgghhh...what a day! Anyway he did step up n do what i expect him to do so that's settle. I feel like he's a bit cocky since 28th feb 2008. However hope that better day ahead and what i assume is wrong.

Good News and Bad News

Good news : My father in-law had a successful surgery removing the cancer at the colon. He is now recuperating and getting better by day. All our prayer is with him now and our hopes is that he will get well soon and recover from the surgery. The surgery took a long hour from 11.00 am to 6.30pm.

Bad news: The cancer has already spread to the liver and now in Stage IV. He has to undergo chemo after recovery.

I never had a close relatives with cancer before. I was being ignorance before this and thought that it could not happen to me or my closest. But now, I am awake and realize that this thing can happen to anybody and anytime. Current lifestyles has make it worst and what we consume are not healthy anymore. Awareness in our country is still low. Colon cancer is actually curable if detected in early stages. Detection is done by doing a colonscopy at health care center. Our problem is the cost to perform such procedure is costly and public awareness is non existense.

I do some research and find that surviving stage IV colon cancer is possible. But that is for overseas medical technology and awareness. Not sure with the survivor rate in this country. I hope that my father in-law can survive it! I care for him not less like my own father. He's the father of my husband. What more can i say..

Unhappy Times

Past weeks was a period of unhappy time for me and my family. My dearest father in-law who was we thought were healthy as ever compared to others same as his age was diagnosed with colon cancer. At first, when first suspected, my in-laws family was keeping things positive that it might be early stages but i just kept my silence. Because you can never expect anything with cancer. It is in fact the silence killer.
My worst concern was in fact not baseless since he was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. He has to undergo surgery this 20th March 2008. And i think chemotherapy will follow. My sister in law's wedding have to be postponed with this bad news. I am going to be on long leave next week and I hope and pray that all will ends well. Please Pray for us to.

Male Chauvinist Pig

Have you ever met somene like that? Well i did. And i hate him with all my heart. If i ever think or talk about him i feel like slapping his face n kicking his ass plus if i can spit on him that will be more rewarding.

Where did i met dis guy? At akademi memandu nilai. His name is Zamri.

Who ever get this guy well may GOD have mercy on you.

ALLAH is INDEED listening...

I have never doubt it but I just want to STRESS it that ALLAH is listening. You just have to have faith and the will to go on!
Here the story goes...
My heart is sore and my mind is occupied for the last 7 days since that unlucky day. And D'DAY arrived again. But on that day, I started my day differently. I chose my attire carefully from head to toe and from inside-out. Everything I wore that day was with a reason not just to look nice. I decided that my hubby send me early just as he was going to work. This time, I insisted that he will not be there to witness it.
I arrived around a quarter to 8.00 am. Went to the registration office but the office is still gloomy and not many people was around. They are still not ready. I went out and my feet just directed me to the area where there seems to be a lot of people waiting. Curious to know why, I just went there just in time to participate for a practice round with a fees of rm2 per round. I join in with the crowd. Got my car and zooom! Kalutnye! I said to myself but at least it help me subside a bit my anxiousness and trembling.
There after, I went back to the office to make payment and get my forms. Later, when I got to the JPJ booth, there are still chances for me to try another round. Then I thought what the heck. Try again the second round and this time I am calmer and not dis-oriented. Started to feel confident and really think that I can do this. I can and I must!
Just about 5 minutes after that the JPJ arrived. I think I clap my hand when they arrived. Huhu!
Then everything goes smoothly. I even got the same car I practice before. My hands were trembling when I was completed. I can't believe it and ecstatic that I finally will get my P license.
haha...so very late but at least I did it. I proved to myself and my family that I can do it. I am so proud of me right now!
I tell you taking driving license process were the hardest thing I had to do so far. I have never been so afraid in my life. I am not even this afraid when I went to the labor room to have my caesarian performed. Afraid until I was merely trembling and shaking. I am lucky that I did not wet my pants. Haha that will be a funny story!

Syukur and alhamdulillah that ALLAH fulfills my Doa and prayer again! I could never have done it without the help of ALLAH. I love ALLAH!

:(

I am so frustrated with myself...Please GOD help me please...
I really need to be doing this... I really really need it to happen...
Please GOD..please..

18/12/2007 Gabra... sampai barely..Panik tak balance..berasap2 tyr. Undur balik..

Lessons: Have to learn to keep calm and relax

08/02/2008 Relax..tak sampai..Undur.. Try.. terlebih pulok.. Ayoo

Lessons: Over confident. Sad very sad! Dont do that side again!

So far the date that has the number 8 has not been lucky to me.

Third try will be on 15/01/2008, YA ALLAH. Tolonglah hambamu ini. PLEASE...

p/s: kena solat hajat...

Quicky updates...

I wanted to write about something else actually but I dont think the time is right to write about that...

Last month towards the end I was occupied with what to wear for our first time company annual dinner. We even booked hotel room to get ready for the 'gala'. Was expecting a great night but eventually it was just so-so. Maybe because my family was not along with me and so many 'over-acting' performance that spoilt my mood plus the 'magnificent' menu(Just look at teh picture). Enjoying a night with entertainment was way pass my time. I would have enjoy it if it was 10 years ago. Am I that old? Or maybe everything means nothing without the people's that really matters by my side.

Last month also, we went to Zoo Melaka. That was nice.. Zoo melaka is actually better than Zoo Negara. At Zoo Negara I smell shit eveywhere. Yucky! But the downside, me n hubby was having stomache ache from dinner the previous night. Damn that nasi daging merah! So our visit there was a brief only. Here are some pictures of the trip.

Smiley Everyone!

Remember Shakeel funny faces expression? Hehe well that was actually his pose when taking pictures. Now it's almost impossible to take normal facial expression of him during a photo shoot. I don't know from who he learns to take picture like this. Make me smile each time i see these pictures. Smiley everyone!

A Singer In the Family

My youngest son loves singing. It started when we bought a nursery ryhme vcd when he was about 7 month old. From that day on, he loves singing. And to proves it, his first word was "ee yaa ee yaa yoo". He also sometimes humming his own song. Here is a clip of him singing "ee yaa ee yaa yoo" and making funny faces. Just ignore the background sound. :)

Hari Raya Faces

Selamat Menyambut Syawal Kepada Seluruh Umat Islam di Dunia.
Maaf Zahir Batin dari kami sekeluarga.

The Office

My husband has bad luck in job's environment everywhere he works. I know that we can not expect much as long as we still work's for other people. The best job is when you are working for your self or you have a 5 digits salary with no burden workload(in my dreams hehe..). Prior to my hubby current job, he worked for 7 years and only got a raised of RM500, after all that years working it is like having a longtime relationship that ended without any outcome. So he quits hoping for a new environment.
Well, it is a new environment indeed, a good company but only one thing that spoils it. His new supervisor a.k.a boss. His boss actually have just been 'awarded' the title 'Manager' for merely more than a year but he is cocky like hell!! Self-fish bugger! (seriously)
He talks arrogantly all the time and like to push around. Always proud with everything he does and brag about it. He has no life, working everyday until night because he can not go home early because he lives far away and only can escape the jam if he goes back late. Worst, since he can not go home early so he stalls his staff from getting home on time. I don't mind during normal working hours but when he does it during fasting month, I am annoyed with it.
As a result, we always break our fast in the car this year. But who am i to whine, I always try to think positive and remind myself that not everything in life is easy. So I have lo learn to live with it!
Back to hubby's boss, every now and then I always wonder and amaze how many type of people there are in this world. Did u ever watch the sitcom 'The Office'? Before this, I thought the scenario in the sitcom is like make believe and real people don't behave like that. But how I was wrong! My hubby's evil boss is much worst that the one in the sitcom. Same annoying behavior but much much worst.
Well, that's life with ups and down. I pray that we can be strong and always remember that all the difficulty in life is a test from GOD.
Dear hubby, please be strong and remember that I will always be there for you for best or for worst. Pray for the best!

SAKIT HATI!

GRRRR....sakit hati..
geram..frustrated...
rasa nak mencarut..
maki hamun baling segala barang tercapai dek tangan..
tak guna...
uselesss....
bodoh...
bangang...
dah la..
lagi sambung lagi mencarut...