Saper Kata Abah Tak Sayang

Last night after dinner, suddenly i had a thought on my parents. And it make me sad knowing that i dunno how long will i have them in this temporary world. But yet, as time goes, my siblings are growing apart day by day. Too many quarell, terasa hati, merajuk and the victim of course my parents since everybody want to run from bumping each other so they decided not to balik kampung even on HARI RAYA. I feel weird on why they are older than me but still they dont change. SOO EGO. Alyways feel that they are ALWAYS RIGHT. I wont elaborate here the details just want to express my feelings.

To tell my side of story now, I used to hate my father. When i was schooling i feel like abah never ever love me. I always feel like I am a burden to them. Since i am the youngest and the only one schooling. I envy all my friend's father. I retaliate and do some foolish thing. But after awhile i realise that whatever it is he is still my father and it not like you can replace it with another.

And last night, i have a flashback on my father. Even though, we dont speak much but i feel like he does love me. I remember when i was in mrsm, i left my uniform at home after the weekend and he came to muar by public bus just to send the uniform. He send me halfway by public bus when i want to go back to my hostel in muar everytime until I was brave enough to go back alone.

During my confinement, he helps me take care of my baby. He cooked dlm pantang meal. He fish for ikan haruan at the paya at belakang rumah. When I balik kampung he buys anything that i want to eat. And many2 more memory flashes in front of my eyes.

And what a shame that i used to hate this man. :( I realise now, saper kata abah tak sayang. It was me that was used to be BLIND.

Finally Breathing

Last year, my team involve in a restructuring department by the management. We were put under system team, previously we were under support team. Joining this new team have made me finally breathing. Before this I always feel that my skills are under utilised. I feel like I can do more. Before this, what ever I do I feel unappreciative. My performance appraisal never reach an outstanding level. I donno what else to do. I dont blame my supervisor maybe it just the nature of the job. People look at it as something that is un-core..simple..remeh. I donno. My grade also have never been upgraded for almost 6 years of working. I admit now..I am frustrated with it.

But joining this new team, give me a breath of fresh air. I now involve in a more core development side. My mind is working with new things that I find very interesting. I hope now I can do job better and will be appreciate more than before. My grade is still lower than my colleague but I find that I am giving more but nevertheless I just want to do my best. Hope that everything will go smooth after this..Insya allah.

Actually, a few weeks before there were a new restructuring and I am in danger position. Whereby I maybe back to square one. I react with that, finding ways where I can still be in the new group. Maybe, my action will looks like I am taking advantage. But I just cant sit still coz I dont wat to go back. I want to move forward. So now, I in safe mode. Hehe..finally breathing.