Heaven On Earth

Everyone interpret their own heaven on earth differently. Some says its while in an exotic tropical island. Some says while enjoying the view in a cool n breezy mountain. Everybody have their own heaven on earth. But not everyown is lucky enough to find one.

As for me, I recently found my heaven on earth. It was as usual , we were coming back from the office. My hubby parked the car in front of the house and we are about to get out from the car and..kreekk..my front door was opening. And there they are..one smiling and cheering and the little one jumping in his walker and screeching excitedly. So cute! What a feeling..and at that moment i feel like i just found my heaven on earth. I dunno what i do without them.

And here i present you my heaven...

Holiday's Suspense

Date : 21 October 2006 Saturday (Deepavali)

6.00 am Hubby sends bibik to her brother's house.

7.00 am Woke up by shakeel's chuckle. Play with him. Caught a clip of him laughing. Make me smiles everytime I watch it.

8.00 am Hubby got back. We lazying around the house. Planning to break our fast at Chicken Hartz

11.00 am Call my parents. Abah pick up the phone. Then talk to mak to masak roti jala tomorrow since we plan to go back tomorrow after subuh.

12-4.00 Still lazying in the house while packing our stuff to go back balik kampung. Waiting on after asar to go out. Kakti send sms to confirm that she wants to follow us back to kampung. Will come to our house at night.

4.00 pm Got sms from kaklong nurul. Saying "Nenek baru tepon. Dia kejut atuk tak bangun2 tapi mengerang2." What?!! Call back nurul and then call mak to verify. Mak answer the call confirming the situation. Her voice is trembling. Abah can bangun but still can not speak with the help of our neighbours. My mind is messing up and at that time thinking of many possibilities. Call Kakti informing the situation. We decide to go back at that instance. Ask kakti to hurry up or go back with alang if alang want to go back too. We hurry to finish our packing. With a toddler and a baby, a lot of things have to be considered.

6.00 pm Finally on our way home. On the way, call angah to know the situation. Abah already at the hospital. Ambulance came and took him. The cause too low sugar quantity in blood.

9.00 pm Arrived at kluang. Abah already ok.

Hargailah keluarga anda!

Saper Kata Abah Tak Sayang

Last night after dinner, suddenly i had a thought on my parents. And it make me sad knowing that i dunno how long will i have them in this temporary world. But yet, as time goes, my siblings are growing apart day by day. Too many quarell, terasa hati, merajuk and the victim of course my parents since everybody want to run from bumping each other so they decided not to balik kampung even on HARI RAYA. I feel weird on why they are older than me but still they dont change. SOO EGO. Alyways feel that they are ALWAYS RIGHT. I wont elaborate here the details just want to express my feelings.

To tell my side of story now, I used to hate my father. When i was schooling i feel like abah never ever love me. I always feel like I am a burden to them. Since i am the youngest and the only one schooling. I envy all my friend's father. I retaliate and do some foolish thing. But after awhile i realise that whatever it is he is still my father and it not like you can replace it with another.

And last night, i have a flashback on my father. Even though, we dont speak much but i feel like he does love me. I remember when i was in mrsm, i left my uniform at home after the weekend and he came to muar by public bus just to send the uniform. He send me halfway by public bus when i want to go back to my hostel in muar everytime until I was brave enough to go back alone.

During my confinement, he helps me take care of my baby. He cooked dlm pantang meal. He fish for ikan haruan at the paya at belakang rumah. When I balik kampung he buys anything that i want to eat. And many2 more memory flashes in front of my eyes.

And what a shame that i used to hate this man. :( I realise now, saper kata abah tak sayang. It was me that was used to be BLIND.

Finally Breathing

Last year, my team involve in a restructuring department by the management. We were put under system team, previously we were under support team. Joining this new team have made me finally breathing. Before this I always feel that my skills are under utilised. I feel like I can do more. Before this, what ever I do I feel unappreciative. My performance appraisal never reach an outstanding level. I donno what else to do. I dont blame my supervisor maybe it just the nature of the job. People look at it as something that is un-core..simple..remeh. I donno. My grade also have never been upgraded for almost 6 years of working. I admit now..I am frustrated with it.

But joining this new team, give me a breath of fresh air. I now involve in a more core development side. My mind is working with new things that I find very interesting. I hope now I can do job better and will be appreciate more than before. My grade is still lower than my colleague but I find that I am giving more but nevertheless I just want to do my best. Hope that everything will go smooth after this..Insya allah.

Actually, a few weeks before there were a new restructuring and I am in danger position. Whereby I maybe back to square one. I react with that, finding ways where I can still be in the new group. Maybe, my action will looks like I am taking advantage. But I just cant sit still coz I dont wat to go back. I want to move forward. So now, I in safe mode. Hehe..finally breathing.

Fasting Month

Selamat Menunaikan Ibadah Puasa untuk semua. This year is a new experience of fasting month for me. Because this year i am fasting while breastfeeding. It is a challenge. First day of Ramadhan, around 10 in the morning I already felt dizzy. Then I had a short nap and after that is alright. I got through the first day so hopefully I can fast all the way.

Just done expressing.Production today lack a bit. Maybe it is normal for fasting breastfeed mother. Yesterday I made roti jala. Today is working day so it is bibik's cooking menu this evening.Hehe..asked her to cook sup ikan merah. But still for back-up will try to find something at pasar ramadhan. Any suggestion? Maybe ayam golek...

Okay, brain kind of lemau today..My tummy already singing but have to hang on.. chowzzz

Domestic Helper

I hired a domestic helper when shakeel was born. This is my first time hiring a maid. At first, I wanted to send adlan and shakeel to adlan's babysitter house but since our babysitter also just have a new baby we decided to have a domestic helper.

Our maid is from Pulau Boyan. So far she's ok but still I dont feel quite comfortable with a stranger in the house. The aora is different. Actually she is really helpful around the house and she also takes care of shakeel very well. But I still dont feel comfortable.

I dont want to feel this way but still the feeling of loya and meluat still there. Adlan also feels the same way. When we want to go somewhere he doesnt want the bibik to follow.

When I am at home, I dont want her to hold my baby. Only if I need her help then I allow her to hold shakeel. I dont want my baby to be attach to her. I think adlan also get bored staying at home all the time. Cant wait to send him to tadika next year.

But to think back, if we dont have a maid it will harder for us since we live quite far from office now. I hope everything will goes well and I can get used of having a maid in the house.

My handsome children

My boys are so handsome. I dont know who they resemblence to. It is hard to believe that they are ours. :). Anyway, as usual praise to God for the 'pemberian'. All that I wish and hope now is that I can raise them good so that as good as their look is as good as their behaviour and iman. Insya Allah.

Reality Check

Last week i suddenly i receive a notice on my yahoo. Somebody that i have not been spoken or see for a long long time suddenly request to add me as a contact. What a shock it is none other that my ex.

He was my bf when i was in mrsm muar. We broke up i think when i was in matric or when i was in uni. I cant remember exactly because since we start as couple when we were in form 5, we broke up and get back together for several times.

In my life i have only 2 memorable and meaningful relationship with a guy. First of course my beloved husband and second is with my ex. I donno why but even after many many years in my heart i still kept the memory and thougt about my ex. We connect is so many things but we cant keep our relationship together for what reason at first i donno why. I still remember the first break up. We just lost contact for several years. It start we an argument the both of us just kept silence and then 'lost' contact.

Then one day i accidently bump with him in my hometown and from there on we just click back together. All past argument just forgotten. Then we broke up again, after that i just can not get my mind out of him and send him i think a gongxi fa chai card as a joke then we get together again after that. After for a while we broke up again. Each time we broke up, the way our relationship ends usually when both of us just keep silence. Itis always like that.

The last argument that lead to the last break up is when i just fed up with him because usually im the one who wants to see him(at that time we were in uni.). When semester break i always want to see him, but it is me who actully beriya2 to see him. After some time i began to get fed up and we argue when at one time i want to see him but he doesnt. It ended in that phone call. I thougt he will contact me after that argument but he doesnt. I wait n wait I refuse to call him because i want to see his real feeling towards me..but he never calls.

Until I finish my studies, nobody seems right and good enough to me. Until i met my hubby now during my practical. Usually when we found somebody that is trully for u, u just know.

Back to the present, suddennly he add me in yahoo but I waited for him to message me. As usual he is the old ego im sure he waits for me to tegur him first. So what the heck i tegur him first to wish him Selamat Pengantin Baru. opps i fail to mention that he got married around the time i gave birth to my precious shakeel.

So we chat after so many2 years (I think about 9-10 years ago). The feeling is mutual. I know he still remembers me as somebody that once touches his heart. But I feel relieve just to have to be inc ontact with him again. Because all this while, I always wonder a what if situation with him. From that chat I realise he is really not the one for me. He is too ego for me an I also have my own ego. We can never be happy together forever. We do click but there are things that we just can not get a perfect understanding. I am happy now to know that i really made a right choice to marry my husband. He is really the one that really suits me. It make me fall all over again with my hubby. I thank GOD for this. Really thankful..Syukurr. Now, I can say that without a doubt I wish him a happy good life. Sayonara to 'us' and we can be really just friends.

P/s: My treasure..

Jaundice Baby

My new baby have jaundice after few days born.

He is warded in An-Nur Specialist center. I brought her home from Serdang hospital under my own risk because i can not stand to be left alone at the hospital. In an-nur my hubby and son sleeps with me. The reading when he was admitted is 17.

I am so sad when he was under the uv-light. But to think back, what about those baby that were premature that have to be put in the incubator. I have to be thankful.

He was warded for 2 days only. But what i want to share here is that after a week i have a follow to the clinics. Dr Arbayah the pediatrician says that actually now there are a service for jaundice baby where it provides the UV light setup at home. It cost half from the hospital bills if your baby is warded in private hospitals. Because for new mother, after giving birth is a tired and restless period. It is more comfortable to stay at home that in hospital. So for me this service is very good. Next time if my next baby have jaundice I will certainly opt for this service where i can give the treatment at home.

Shakeel Aydin Mohamad Syahidan

Well..my friend persuade me to continue to write my blog here. Ntah ler..actually i dont actually know what to write in my blog. Anyway just want to update the things that going on with my life.
I gave birth to a healthy boy on the 25th April 2006. New addition to my family is named Shakeel Aydin with the name meaning is handsome and intelligent. Isnt he handsome already.
He is 4 month old now.This time I breastfeed my son successfully and proud of it. For new/to be mothers out there, my advice is breastfeed your baby. I failed to breastfeed my older son so I know the difference when u breastfeed or not.
Breastfeed have so many advantages. All the good things written and said about breastfeed is true. My baby until now have never been sick yet. Alhamdulillah. And you will feel satify when breastfeeding your baby like u r doing the best for him.
But breastfeeding is not that easy..you have to be kuat semangat to try and never quit to try.The tips is dont ever give your baby bottle fed for the first few weeks untill he is consider expert to attach to your breast.
Every day i look forward to come home from work just to snuggle with my baby.Being a mother is the best thing ever happen in my life now even with 2 ceasarian.
But as usual, not everything run smooth from the day u gave birth but i am lucky to have a husband that understands and support all the way.With each children, you learn new thing and gain new experience. Sometimes I feel like i want to be a consultant for young mothers. :)
I hope that I can raise my children well and give them the best that I can. Wish me luck.

It is been awhile

Wow..it is been a while since i wrote here.. Maybe im just not in the mood to write.

Well this is what have been going on with my life.

25 Disember 2005
We move to our new house in bukit mahkota. After so many many problems.
Maybe that is why i have not been blogging. SO many thing that makes me haywire and
stressful. The quality of the house is so bad.. Many many problems..Heres the list:

1. Late electricity connection
2. Piping leakage
3. Sink problem
4. Crack wall (due to construction behind our house)
5. Smelly air (after the rain, smell comes from the garbage collection area near the house)
6. Leaking roof

Any way., we manage to face it one by one. We quarell a lot but syukur we overcome it.
Not all the problem have been solved but we still manage.

I have been on nerve all the time but luckyly i dont have high blood pressure.
If not I will surely have been warded for it. I know it is bad for me to get mad while i m pregnant but i cannot help it.

So many problem...I cried so many times.

1 st January 2006
I organize a "jamuan rumah baru". My mom and dad are the cook. The menu are nasi tomato, sate with nasi himpit and kuih bakar. Appreciate my parents so much..i know now my dad do love me. It is just that he do not show it with all of us except my sister in Rawang which is his favorite daughter.

I also appreciate my in laws. They come all the way from Kelantan to perform solat hajat the night before at my house. We are so lucky to have parents that care.

That day there are good times and bad times.. The good is that the feast when smoothly. No food wasted. The bad that evening for the first time my roof is leaking almost everywhere. But I am already in a state of "tepu" with all the house problems. My hubby called Barik, the bangla in charge in repairing the defect of the house to check the leakage. He asked his worker to repair it immeadiately the next day. Well as I says we face the problem one by one by solve it also one by one.

Maybe it is god's test for us. We face difficulties but He also gave us ways to solve it. Syukurr..

What ever, I am still greatful for everything. I broke down a few times but I get myself up and pray to God to give me strength to face all the test He gave us.

Life is full of test and is just temporary.

p/s: everybody is looking at aw at my tummy..hehe..as usual, big and pointing..now i know how a handicapped feel when someone stares at them.